Omar Abdel-Wahab

The story began when I purchased a Etisalat Line back in early 2008. Etisalat managed to lose a client in 14 days for two times in a row. Let's see how they managed to do this brilliant work.

1. Choose stupid and hard requirements for your contract: When I first bought the line, Etisalat sales guy explained to me why I have to provide some sort of confirmation that I can pay. One of these methods were credit card. I happily shown the guy my credit card and he wanted to photo-copy it. The weird part didn't come yet, he insisted on photo-copying both sides of the card. I spent 30 mins explaining why this is exactly like stealing my card but in vain. I had no other option but to give the guy the credit card then call the bank to make sure none will do any transaction with the card in the near future.

2. Apply a stupid rule without getting feedback from your clients: Four days after, I got a call from Etisalat that I have to pay 200LE immediately because my usage has exceeded the "expected limit". I tried to understand why someone who purchased an unlimited plan would have an "expected limit" and why the same person should pay any money right before he receives the bill but once again, in vain. The whole thing ended up with me visiting their branch and pay the required amount.

3. Repeat a stupid action that the client complained about over and over: Only 10 days after the last incident mentioned above, I got another call from Etisalat guy asking me to go ahead and pay 300LE due to the same "expected limit". I spent more time asking why should I keep paying every week instead of waiting for a month even though I provided what you considered a means of confirming my ability to pay my bill. The same behavior from the Etisalat representative, he refused all my tries to get an explanation and the call ended with me asking him to terminate my plan and send me a bill to end the whole thing just two weeks after I bought the line. And that was how they managed to lose me in 14 days for the first time.

4. Give your clients wrong information: A year after this incident, I needed to buy a 3G modem. Unfortunately, Etisalat had the best offer out there. I went to one of their stores and purchased a modem. The sales person asked me which plan will I pick, unlimited or unlimited premium so I chosen the unlimited plan but asked her if I can switch quickly and she confirmed that. Couple hours later, I found that the plan I choose is slow so I called their customer service to upgrade but the guy who handled my call assured me I can't do this before two months!!

5. Prevent your clients from purchasing more of your products: I spent a week doing daily phone calls with more representatives of different hierarchy level but I didn't reach anything. I thought I'd return the SIM card I bought and buy a new one so I can upgrade and I headed to their store to do so. In the store, the sales person told me that I have to pay 50LE for the new SIM and a month in advance because I won't buy the new SIM in their bundle. I explained over and over that I am doing this to overcome a problem they have with their policy but in vain.

6. Hire as few technical support folks as possible: After getting help from an insider, I managed to upgrade my data plan. I started using the modem and it was supposed to operate between 1.2Mbps and 3.6Mbps. They said it would operate at 7.2Mbps in some areas with no single detail where these areas are. Anyways, I spend three days using the modem, hardly reached 1.0Mbps and spent most of my time trying to understand why the line drops so often. I called their tech support and they freaked out when they knew I am using it under Linux and one of them told me that "if a Linux user called me and asked if they can buy a modem I would recommend him not to". I impatiently explained that I don't need their support for the hardware but they insisted it's either I use Windows or they can't help. Luckily, I still have a Windows machine at home so I powered it up and started debugging with their tech support guy and we reached nothing after two hours of tries. The guy said he will call after couple days because "I will be in a vacation for two days and I am pretty sure not many guys will be able to continue with you". So I had to wait.

7. Never keep track of your client's tickets history: The guy didn't call, of course, after two days so I called again. The same thing happened over and over: the guy freaks out when he knows I use Linux, I explain that I have the modem working, I ask for a higher level tech support, they call me back, we debug on both Windows and Linux.

8. Lie to your client: The last guy I communicated with, asked me to take my Windows machine to their store so I can test another modem and another SIM. I politely explain that the Windows machine is a desktop and my laptop runs Linux and the guy was like "you only have one laptop?!". I finally reached an agreement with him that I will test in their store my modem with one of the stores machines and if it worked then it's a Linux issue. The guy assures me it's definitely my machine or my OS issue but not theirs by any mean. I went to their store and tested my modem and SIM using one of their machines and the results were the same. To prove them it's their issue, I tried another modem, another SIM and one of their computers and the results were almost identical.

9. End the relationship with the client as dirty as possible: Finally they admitted that the service failed to comply with their promises and offered to file a ticket to their network team!! I refused and asked for a refund. They requested the modem's package so I had to visit them the next day where the sales person told me that I have to pay 9 days usage which is equivalent to almost 20% of the modem's price. I explained that I never used the modem for a single day without having an issue and that I spent the past two weeks debugging but in vain. Me calling their customer service and explaining, their tech support says that this estimation is totally the branch's responsibility, me wondering why they don't know that I haven't used the modem for that long and bla bla bla. After an hour and a half, I managed to refund and leave their store unable to believe I got out without killing somebody.